I wanted to start of my first blog post with a little explanation of who I am, what this blog will be about and my experiences with mental illness. The title of this blog is “My Loud Mind” because when writing about my mental illness the most common phrase I come by is the loudness of the mental illness. The best way to quiet this voice, is to talk about it, no matter how hard it is.
I have been struggling to find a way to talk freely about my experiences with mental illness. I advocate for mental health, and I always talk about the importance of speaking openly about ones experiences, and yet I struggle. I struggle, because my brain keeps telling me that no one wants to hear my stories. My brain tells me that I am too dark and twisted for the general population. This organ, that lets me live, tells me that I am not sick enough, when I can’t eat and or when I cut into my skin. So I feel like a blog will be the best way for me to share my experiences with everyone and to show myself that talking about my illness does help me heal.
I have been surrounded by mental illness my whole life. I come from a background of depression, addiction, eating disorders, bipolar disorders, and anxiety. Developing a mental illness was a very high probability, in mine and my sisters cases. Regardless of being an anxious child, and being depressed in my early teens, I never expected to end up where I am today. I never thought that I would enter an abusive relationship or that I would experience sexual assault. I never thought I would have to watch a person close to me suffer through an eating disorder in front of my eyes. I also never thought I would consider suicide as a way to escape.
The reason I never expected the inevitable was because no one else expected it either. The first therapist that told me I had traits of borderline personality disorder was three years after I left my abuser and two therapists later. The first person who took my eating disorder seriously was my fourth therapist I went to see. Everyone knew my moods had ups and downs, but when I would have my “episodes” we all thought they were PMS rather than extreme panic attacks. I asked for help quietly, but I was told that I was fine because there were people that were suffering worse.
So, after years of suffering quietly I want to actively work to change the way our society sees mental illness. Any mental illness, is valid and important to address. You are the only person that actually knows how you are feeling, and it is time to stop minimizing it. We have to realize that our brains are the most complex organ in our body, and the most complex brain of any species living on this earth. Our brains complexity, can cause for malfunctioning which is what causes mental illness. Just like mutated cells can cause cancer (which can be considered a malfunction in our peripheral body) our malfunctioning brain can cause mental illness. We must address mental illness at the same level as any other illness. People are dying everyday from mental illness so it must be taken seriously.
In conclusion of my first post, I just want to say that you are not alone. If you are someone out there reading this know that what you feel is valid. Know that you have the right to reach out and that speaking out to someone, even if it is one person will make all the difference. It is time to quiet the loudness of our minds, and we must do it together. #myloudmind
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